Spoiling your child is an unnoticed form of child abuse. In the words of Dr. Phil McGraw, "over-indulgence is one of the most insidious forms of child abuse known to man." Too many children today are suffering from an epidemic that is sweeping the nation: spoiled rotten kids. It's not just that children today are over-indulged with things. They are over-indulged emotionally! This insidious abuse has disastrous long-term consequences. Parents are essentially grooming little narcissists who will grow up to face constant disappointment when life doesn't go their way. They will be "takers," not "givers." Their needs will always come first.

Many children are "spoiled" with too much power and too much control in the family. They believe they are the center of the universe-long after this is healthy! They are given the message that it is the grown-up's job is to keep them HAPPY-all the time! And their parents are dancing a dance that keeps this false perception going, because they actually believe it, too! Every time you give in to your child (believing that you are being a "loving parent"), stop and think: Am I really helping my child? Or am I actually abusing my child?

• Your primary job as a parent is to prepare your child for how the world really works-not to make him happy. You are setting your child up for a big letdown if you don't. Life isn't always easy. Children need to learn how to cope when things don't go their way. They need to learn how to soothe themselves.
• In the real world, you don't always get what you want. You have to do a lot of things you don't want to do. If you've experienced this as a child, you will be better able to deal with it as an adult.
• Children need "no's" on the outside to help them develop "no's" on the inside. Spoiled children grow up to be adults who have poor inner controls. They are often impulsive and entitled. They get hostile and angry when they don't get what they want. They have difficulty maintaining relationships unless they are constantly gratified.
• If your parent/child relationship is based on material goods (or always being given to), your child won't have the chance to experience unconditional love. Teach your child what real love is. Often, it involves sacrifice.
• Redefine what taking care of your child really means. Being a good parent means standing up and saying "No." It means withstanding tantrums, conflicts, and "I want…!" Kids are desperate for their parents to take charge.
• Understand "intrinsic" versus "extrinsic" motivation. If you are always rewarding your child with material things or effusive praise, he will never learn how to motivate himself with internal rewards like pride and personal satisfaction. Spoiled kids actually grow up with a deeply rooted insecurity. They often feel fraudulent as adults. They don't believe in themselves because they haven't learned that they really can do it.
• Your child does not have to love you every minute of every day. He'll get over the momentary disappointment of having heard "no." (He'll actually trust you more!) But, he won't get over the effects of being spoiled.

(Excerpts from Dr. Phil )                                                                                                                          Anne Kangas, L.C.S.W., Family Services Director/ 12/02